Wednesday, 27 July 2011

The police and more

Monday evening a policeman came out to speak to us and take a report about Scarlett's grave.  He was very nice and helpful.  They're basically going to do what they can and speak to some people about what happened, he's also liasing with another officer too.  He was very disgusted and said his colleague's "blood would boil" when he heard about what had happened.  He also said that desecrating any grave was bad enough but a baby's was just terrible.  It was good to be taken seriously.

Liam also spoke to the cemetery earlier on in the day on Monday and the man there was extremely upset and felt guilty about it.  He's taken a personal interest in Scarlett's grave and always checks on her.  He was away from the Wednesday night and checked her before he left so we know it happened between then and Saturday. Both seemed to think that it was likely to be teens broken up from school on the Friday and possibly drinking.  

It's a sorry state of affairs when teens resort to burning baby's graves to get a kick.  I was brought up in a rough area in East London and no one I knew would ever dream of doing such a thing.  The people may have been rough round the edges and get involved in their fair share of fights and trouble but they had respect.  I would be mortified if my children ever did anything like that.  I doubt they would as I bring them up as I have been, with respect for other people, for their property and for the dead.  I find it totally abhorrent that someone would derive pleasure from ruining a baby's grave; things that were irreplaceable.  

I do feel slightly better knowing that people are taking it seriously but I just wish there was CCTV there, I would love to know who'd done it.

I've been anxious and stressed for days now, worrying about my consultant appointment tomorrow, I'm so scared that I'll have to explain everything as they won't have read my notes and that they'll ask why I'm there (wouldn't be a first).  I want them to reassure me, tell me their plans for this pregnancy and what they are going to do to make this as smooth and as easy as possible for me and for this baby.  I need to know everything that will happen, how often I'll be seen and I hope they have plans to scan me frequently.  

I woke with a headache and already feeling stressed, I found it hard to sleep last night too.  I always feel very on edge the day before I'm due an appointment like this as I'm so worried.  I'm going to ask about a scan tomorrow too but I'm worried about that too; that they'll just say no and think I'm being irrational for even wanting one.  It's not about wanting more scans for any reason other than needing to be reassured though, I need to know that this baby is OK and developing the way it should and just because I'm early on doesn't make that any less important.  Early on is very important to me as that's the time when you can't see or feel anything other than via an ultrasound.  

I feel like I've invested so much into this baby already, I don't even know if there's a heartbeat yet.  It's torturous waiting, every day feels like forever.  When every thought I have is a worry then it really takes a strain on you.  I realise this sounds very self-absorbed but I'm finding it difficult to get past this week.  I have a scan on Friday but I'm not sure we'll be able to go now, it's fairly expensive and quite a drive so that's another thing I have to think about.


  1. Just saw your update on the MN network page and caught up with this (not stalking you!).

    I did wonder, when I read your other post about the vandalism, whether it might be teens. I don't mean to demonize all kids that age, but I do think there are certain teenagers (angry, damaged, whatever) who have really irrational, nihilistic and destructive urges that they don't even try to control. I knew some like that when I was young. They are f***ing scary because they are operating in a kind of bubble of self-regarding amorality. The notion of the pain they might be causing doesn't even enter their thoughts, it's all about the rush of doing something so totally antisocial and extreme.

    Anyway, whoever it is, hopefully they will be caught and made to understand what they've done. :(

    Good luck for the rest of the week - and for the scan, if you decide to go. Fingers crossed for you.

  2. Thanks for your comment, I also thought that about teens initially and was glad to think that it wasn't done specifically to her/us. We've not heard anything yet but I didn't expect to without any witnesses or evidence etc. I'm happy that we reported it and just have to wait and see now. Thank you